Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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