I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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