We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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