How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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