Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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