wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
