There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
