He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
