I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
