Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My vagina just recognized that song.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
