Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
