im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
