I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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