who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
