I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
