I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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