I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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