my mouth tastes like poor choices
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
