I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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