can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need a beard to bite.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
