I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
