stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
