Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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