theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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