Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
