my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
