I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
