All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
