I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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