Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
