my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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