Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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