R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
