wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
