at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
