Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
