I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I will pee on everything he values.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
