its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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