I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
