She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
