in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We have so much sex to catch up on
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
