Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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