she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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