it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
