thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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