You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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