i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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