I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
