she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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