It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
