What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
