These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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