My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
