There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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