I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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