i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
