I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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