I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
